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Christmas cracker jokes 2022

By SEC Newgate team
22 December 2022

By Andrew Adie

Brace yourselves for another roller coaster ride of puns and excitement with our annual review of the best Christmas cracker jokes for 2022.

Some are old favorites, some have a topical twist and all of them will test your friendships and families ties and might result in you being invited to leave lunch early and spend the rest of  Christmas day in the pub.

Regardless, we love them. After a year of challenges what better way to see in the new than with some appalling puns and tortured tongue-twisters.

  • Why does Kate Bush need to turn the heating off? She’s running up that bill.
  • What’s a sheep’s favorite Christmas jumper: Fleece Navidad
  • What’s every elf’s favorite type of music? Wrap
  • Why are Will Smith and Chris Rock not having turkey this Christmas? Because they’ve got beef.
  • Which Christmas carol is about an animal with three-legs? Little Wonkey
  • What do angry mice send each other at Christmas? Cross mouse cards
  • Why has Santa been banned from sooty chimneys? Carbon footprints
  • What does Santa use to bake cakes: Elf-raising flour
  • How did Darth Vader know what Luke Skywalker got for Christmas? He felt his presents How did King Charles III sign his Christmas cards this year to his family? The artist formerly known as Prince
  • What do you sing at a snowman’s party? Freeze a jolly good fellow
  • What do you call a cow that lives in an igloo? An eskimoo
  • Why is it best to think of 2022 as a Panto? Because eventually its behind you
  • What did the snowflake say to the fallen leaf? You are sooooo last season
  • Who’s Rudolph’s favourite pop star? Beyon-sleigh
  • How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizza? Deep pan, crisp and even
  • What’s white and minty? A Polo Bear
  • How did Scrooge win the football? The ghost of Christmas passed
  • Why don’t Santa’s reindeer have to quarantine? They have herd immunity
  • What do frogs wear on their feet? Open toad sandals
  • What does Santa like to do in the garden? Ho, ho, ho
  • What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk? Jingle smells
  • What did the stamp say to the Christmas card? Stick with me and we’ll go places
  • What did Santa do when he went speed dating? He pulled a cracker
  • What did Mrs Claus say to Santa when she looked up at the sky? Looks like rain dear
  • Why is Greta Thunberg boycotting parsnips and carrots at Christmas? Because she’s a swede dish campaigner

Jokes courtesy of a range of sources including: British Comedy Guide; Manchester Evening News; ChristmasFM; Delish; Telegraph; Firebox